Part 2: Asking the Donor

Our top pick wasn’t easy. We actually went through a small rolodex to figure out the right person for the job. Where to start? It was a question that we sometimes juvenilely pondered but never really sat on for more than a few minutes.

“What about this best friend?!” “Oh he is/ would be perfect!”

“What about this relative?!” “Without a doubt!”

And we honestly believed it every time we talked about it.

But once we would have left the safety of two way conversation and had to go actually….ask the other adult human being what they thought? It became…much more sticky (no pun intended). They had questions, rightfully so. Their partners had questions, also rightfully so. Questions like: who does the baby go to if something happens to you? How often would we see them? What would they call us? What decisions do we make together? 

We were probably part naive, unprepared, and ignorant. All we wanted was that Y chromosome! As we fumbled through our “interview process” thank goodness those friends and family that we asked held nothing against us when we moved onto the next candidate.

This exploration led us not to the “best” or “perfect” choice, but the absolute right choice for us. A little bit Morgan and a little bit Sarah. Exactly what we were hoping for.

^ Enter Chris, my younger brother. Just look at that head of hair! ^

He’s 6'4", annoyingly brilliant, has an incredible sense of humor, drinks only on occasion, has never tried drugs - and - an introverted extrovert able to flourish in both environments. In other words, the dream donor. It was just the cherry on top that we happen to be related.

My brother and I have always been close. We’re three years apart with completely opposite personalities, which made growing up together easy—plenty of room for our own interests, but a strong friendship rooted in our differences. He’s the kind of person who watches documentaries about the universe on Youtube for fun and could probably win “Jeopardy!” without studying. I’ve always admired how his know-it-all brain works.

What’s interesting is that his strengths are very different from Morgan’s. They’re both stoic, deeply thoughtful, and enjoy philosophical conversations. But while my brother’s intellectual energy is more academic, Morgan is an elite athlete. She was a D1 soccer player, basically came out of the womb with a six-pack & thunder thighs. Together, their qualities felt like a beautiful balance—one that would give our future kiddo the best of both worlds.

Now, if you’re imagining that asking my brother to be our donor was awkward… it wasn’t.

Not even close.

My brother has this magical way of making big moments feel light.

When I came out at 27 (to absolutely everyone’s surprise), I told him over a serious sit-down. I said, “Chris, I have something big to tell you. Life-changing. I’m gay.” His response? A calm, casual, “Neat.”

Before my first solo cross-country road trip—when I was spiraling into panic attacks and throwing up from anxiety—my whole family had words of wisdom. My mom: “You can always come home. You don't even have to go, it's okay!” My dad: “I once had the chance to do something like this and turned it down. I still think about it.”

My brother: “What if everything just works out?"

...something that hadn't even entered my mind that is now scribbled on the back of my daily journal. What powerful words to live by.

^ My amazon of a family. Note - I am the shortest one - I am 5'11" with 2" heels in these photos ^

That’s just who he is. So when we approached him with one of the biggest asks of our lives, he didn’t blink. He was open, kind, supportive, and—most importantly—completely on the same page as us when it came to expectations and boundaries.

Choosing him unlocked a different path for us: at-home insemination.

Now, let’s pause for a second. At-home insemination is often met with side-eyes or dismissed by medical professionals as “unsanitary.” Which is wild, considering the alternative involves… well, a penis. And frankly, we trust a new sterile syringe more than we trust a pee that gets washed maybe once a day? - We'll pass.

Aside from saving money (and sanity), going this route gave us something clinic donors can’t always provide—deep familiarity, a shared history, and a complete medical background. We’re incredibly lucky.

So, that’s the story of how we chose our donor. Stay tuned for Part 3, where I answer the burning question I know you’re all wondering: “How’d you actually do it?”